It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Plan B is the new Plan A
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
