john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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