there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
