goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
