there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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