I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
