Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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