i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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