Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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