She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
