i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
