Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
