his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
