I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
