just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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