just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Quick, to the slutcave!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
