i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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