you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
