this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was confusing and full of hummus
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
