my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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