May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
