Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
