I puked a lego.
I can text with my tongue
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
operation have a gay friend backfired
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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