yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
