peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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