I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
