A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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