You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
