trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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