When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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