I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
