You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My feet surprised me
Randomize
