It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
