He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
