I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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