dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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