she woke up with a sticky ear
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
