From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
