I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
