dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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