she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
