I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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