I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
