I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
