Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
