i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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