Dual....:-)
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
