We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The adults are the big ones right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
