note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
