I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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