Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We need to rekindle our bromance
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
