He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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