A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
