I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
