5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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