we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
