I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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