Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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