my mouth tastes like poor choices
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
