stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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