The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
