Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize