So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
