there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize