Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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