Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Everything about him screamed your future.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
