I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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