You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
