Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
