Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Say something about gay babies.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
