just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
