i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
