The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
