I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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