The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
