i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
farters have to be the big spoon...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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