I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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