Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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