I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
