The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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