I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
