i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
