if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
