Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize