It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
