I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
