when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
