I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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