I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
