I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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