He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
