Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
