**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
someone owes me an orgasm
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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