proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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