they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
