All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
