So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize