How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
