Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
