mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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