I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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