I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
