i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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