We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
