she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Two words: blizzard sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
