I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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