Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
