I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
