I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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