pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
