If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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