His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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