I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
