he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
