i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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