Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
